THE HANGOVER

It was already morning when Kola finally woke up. He scratched his eyes with the back of his hands and looked at his clothes lying on the floor ahead of him. Immediately he noticed he had nothing on, save his briefs. Not even a singlet.

“How did I get here?” he asked himself amazed.

He looked at his wristwatch to confirmed weather the lights filtering through the window blinds were hallucinations or really sun ray.  The watch confirmed it was really sunlight as it read few minutes past eight.

“How did I get here?” He repeated to himself and went totally numb both in thinking and actions as if waiting for an eternal voice to answer.

“How did I get here?”  Asked he again as he stood on his feet and made for the window. Only few feet away from his destination he turned and surveyed the room he had just waked up in. He scanned through the length and breadth of the room and observed the king sized bed he once laid in. He noticed it was rumpled, he also found other clothes that sure weren’t his scattered around the room.

“What have I done?” he wondered as he tried to recall the events of the previous night but all he succeeded doing was to awoken a piercing head ache and instantly like a rushing wind came all the signs of a severe hangover.

He shut and opened his eyes several times in as few seconds as possible, trying to figure out what had happened. It was then he saw it and he gasped heavily as he moved from the spot he had been standing few feet to the window. Abandoning his initial impulse to look through the window to get a clue of where he was. He made for the bed and knelt down just beside the sofa resting on the wall. Squatted like a child and reached his hand for the tiny box lying under the bed. He brought it out and gasped in shock when he discovered it was empty.

He looked and at the left right corner and read “6 x 1, What?” he said as his eyes bulged out of his head for he had barely read that fully when he saw another empty pack lying just ahead of him.

“I must be dreaming…” He said to himself as he sat down and tried effortlessly to recall the event of the previous night. But all he got was bits and pieces. He remembered driving through Broad Street and his fans yelling his name.

He recalled what he was wearing, a black Jordan shoes, with a matching Versace sleeveless jacket and the pants and shirt his designer made for him. He glanced again through the room confirming he was correct as he saw the same set of clothes in the room and others that certainly belong to a female.Image

“I was seated behind Madonna, to the left of Jamie Fox two rows ahead of that bone headed nigga that calls himself Lil Wayne. The tiny ass Miley Cyrus was to my left while Justin not the Timberhead Timberlake, but the Phony Head Bieber he was still trying to grab a peak at Miley’s peanut like breast despite having Nicki Minaj seated beside him. Crazy boy, he had that hottie with full set of back and front he was still concerned with poor Miley, who just had to show what she didn’t have in her wrecking ball video. She will sure wreck his tiny balls. Miley was busy trying to get my attention, but I didn’t give a hoot. See me see trouble, wetin concern monkey with dog bone? I was looking ahead of me at Beyoncé. Wishing I could just kill that ugly husband of hers who was smooching her instead of paying attention to the moderator about to announce the award for the Best Single of the year and this tiny Miley is disturbing me.  How I had wished I could just have her for one night…”

“Hey honey!” a voice interrupted his thoughts. He turned and lo and behold it was the person he lest expected entering the room. She had a little shopping bag in her hand and had a silky house coat tied at the front on. He peered through the transparent coat and saw the matching set of undies she had on as she locked the door and cat walked to where he was. 

“I thought you wouldn’t wake up after emptying two packs of CDs. You were a tiger last night,” she said as she gave him a mild kiss on the lips. He grabbed her again and instantly they got locked in a passionate kiss until she finally broke free to get air. “Why would I let this opportunity go without maximizing it?” He said to himself.

“Wow!” She gasped. “You are something else. You wanna make me fall crazy in love with you,” she added as she walked towards the bathroom.

“I just need to freshen up,” she continued.

“Am I dreaming?” he asked himself as he tried to connect the dots. He remembered going for the after party after the Award Night. He remembered seeing Jay Z dancing but he was sure it wasn’t with his wife.

“I don hammer!” he said to himself pumping his clenched fist into the air. “You can join me if you want.” He heard her say from the bathroom.

“Just get out of those clothes you have on. You aren’t going to need them for a long time. I told some of my friends about you and they can’t wait to confirm if what I said is true.”

Instantly he stripped himself and rushed towards the bathroom but felt the cold water on his body too soon.

“Idiot!” he heard Akpos shout. “How many years you wan take shit? Abi you dey born pikin for there, you nor know say oga dey wait for us?” Akpors cursed.

“Fool!” He snapped back. “You just come wake me from this swit drim way I dey drim, Enemy of progress…’’

“If I turn come break that door bodi go tell you. Na inside toilet dem take dey drim?” Akpors added as he came down from the ladder he had used.

“This boy na winch o!” Kola said to himself. “Imagine, climbing a ladder to pour me water through the window. He nor even get courtesy to allow me finish this fine drim way I dey drim. Beyoncé! Chia! Na god go punish this useless boy. When I wan really enjoy myself as I nor remember how round one be like. And she say her friends dey come.  He go be Shakira, she say friends o. then he go be Shakira and Nicki Minaj, Rihanna plus Mariah Carey…..”

“Idiot! you nor dey hear say come outside?” Akpors yelled banging the door. Kola reluctantly stood up struggled with the bolt of the rickety door and finally opened it.

“You been dey born? Abi U want make I shit for bodi first?” Akpors asked and pushed him away as he entered the toilet. Almost immediately he rushed out shouting. “Idiot! Idiot! Kola! See as you shit full the toilet ground. Come pack your shit o…..”

NOTE: Just a work of fiction.

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