“Is it in?”
“Yes nah!”
“But am not feeling anything o.”
“I’m. Not am. It’s a contraction of I and am.”
“English man. You can’t do what you are supposed to do and you are correcting grammar.”
“Not my fault. Bad grammar is a turn off.”
“Small penis that doesn’t know where it should be going nko?”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Abeg get off me. Size doesn’t matter. But when it’s also clueless… hmm!”
“Wait, let’s try again.”
“Try what? Trial balance shebi? Not knowing what you are doing is a turn off. Abeg get off me jare.”
***
“Hey!”
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“Correcting your grammar.”
“Jeez! You are impossible. “
“I’m sorry nah.
Why are you still mad at me? I said I’m –“
“See ehn. Just let me be.”
“Is it bad to apologize?”
“How can you be still be so clueless? Apologizing for correcting my grammar and not… not…”
“Oh! That’s why I said we should try again nah.”
“Where is your key?”
“What key?”
“Your key car.”
“What do you need my car key for?”
“Since am an engine that you can turn on and off as you please. Why don’t you just use your key?”
“If I say it’s I am and not am now you will get angry.”
“I don’t want to call you an idiot but don’t push me. Stay on your side of the bed and let the pillow remain between us.”
“But–“
“Stay your lane. Abi you want me to sleep somewhere else?”
CftxP’s Digital Artistic Legacy
***
“Hey! Good morning.”
“Hmm.”
“How was your night?”
“You know.”
“Are you still angry?”
“No. I am happy. Just lie down there I will give you breakfast in bed.”
“But I’ve said sorry nah. Besides you can’t start a new day with the old day’s grudge.”
“Is it your grudge?”
“You know it will reduce your happiness quotient.”
“Mr. Calculator. Quotient ko. Why not co-efficient? Besides it was 12:17 am. That’s well into the new day.”
“Oya let’s try again. I will make it up to you.”
“Have you found your car keys yet?”
“Why are you acting like this? You should be a virtuous woman –“
“And you nko? Because it’s only me that can virtuous. Can’t you be a bit vicious?”
“You don’t start a sentence with And.”
“Oh my God. If I strangle you now they will say it’s murder. Shebi you want to ruin my day too just as you did my night bah?”
“I was just correcting your mistake.”
“Have you learnt to correct yours? In fact … Hmm!”
“Where are you going? Come back to bed nah.”
“So you think the sun outside is decoration for Christmas tree bah?”
“There should be an ‘a’ somewhere oh. But if I talk now you’ll say AM pissing you off.”
“I don’t blame you. I blame myself. The kids have school today and I have work? Don’t you have work too? Or is it public holiday? “
“Honey! Just a quick one.”
“It’s always quick with you nah. Abeg just stay your lane this morning.”
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