It’s June the calendar says. Wake up your bedside alarm yells, it’s 4 am the LCD display reads.
So you stretch your hands and hit the buzzer. You need another five minutes. Your eye lids barely hug each other when the buzzer rings again.
You curse and hate. Time is a cheat, five minutes in the mornings are nothing but five seconds in disguise.
You push the duvet from your body. Let your hands stretch and your mouth open in a yawn. The back of your palm went to your eyes, scratching to wipe out the sleep that remains. You repeat all three in no particular order.
You step out of bed, your feet shiver as the cold tiles kiss your toes, you wonder why you left the Air con on all on night whilst you bask in the soothing warmth of your duvet.
You feel for your slippers, and realise it’s deep underneath your bed. You go on your knees, your head under the bed, hands in front of you. You reach for your slippers, and as you pull it out a sudden uneasiness hits you hard. Your brain rumble why. You realise you are on your knees to get more than a slippers. It is the perfect position to pray. The words fall out of your mouth. Disappointments fill the borders of your heart. You are in no mode to say thanks. What is there to thank God for when your dreams from January remains dreams and some even took the step up to become a nightmare.
So you begin to lament. The economic situation crippled you. Your weight is the only thing going up in your life. Your health is taking a steady nose dive to oblivion and you are getting older but your finances love the opposite route.
On and on you rant, the heaviness in your heart feels like drowning. But you are ashore. Your lungs are perfect at being lungs yet the air refuses to rush in. You gasp, choked by the weight of needs that must be met.
You pour your heart out. If you can be honest with one person it should be God. So your rant continue. Your family sucks at being family, the only love shared among them was a love lost. You all are the particles of a gas, each atom moving randomly apart. The bond that holds you together is on the weak side of weak.
Tears try to fall from your eyes but your tear bank is as empty as your bank account. You have spent them all, you are on a tear deficit. So you groan as the rant continue. Your groan is harmattan ; dry yet cold,new yet old, yours yet unfamiliar.
You say to yourself you are done. Since God was done being God to you, you are done being a puppet to him. So you tell Him that, you announce your break up. You wish it shatters his heart.
Then your phone blink and pulls you back to the life that you hate to call life. You reach for it, hoping it is the text you’ve been praying for. It isn’t that text, it’s a daily verse notification from You version; the bible app on your phone.
A long hiss crawl from your mouth, talk of the devil, your break up with God hasn’t even lasted an hour he has come begging. You throw the phone away as you stand up but you reach back for it immediately, something caught your attention.
You type your password, open your phone and scroll to the Bible app and you read….
“even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.”
The words hit you, so you click continue to chapter and begin from verse one.
“You have searched me, Lord , and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord , know it completely. You hem me in,behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you…”
It is Psalm 139 and when you are done the tears flow freely. You gasp and more air rush into your lungs, You change into your jogging pants, throw a shirt on, force your feet into the trainers laying idle in your closet and hit the street. You decide to start with your weight, every other must go up and your weight is the only thing permitted to go down.
PS : I wrote this story June 1st 2015 after returning from an early morning jog. The message was clear and the words kept tumbling in my head (as they always do). One year on, Thanks to Facebook’s “ON THIS DAY BUTTON” I stumbled on it and was stunned because it seemed I wrote it just for me. It’s quite amazing how we write stuffs that we end up needing later on. It is my hope that this be more than just fiction to y0u, and you can read it not just today but years later and find strength in these words.
Enjoy June. I don’t usually make promises online , but I promise to stop hoarding my writings and to constantly flood this space with words that do more than entertain. CHEERS! and apologies for the long post and the equally tormenting rambling at the end.
CoverPhoto via http://www.feedyoursoul.com/2015/05/27/an-ode-to-june/
Set in Stones By TheIncurableOptimist