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“Good morning!”

“Hey! Good morning. Hope you slept well?

“Slept well? How could I? Mosquitoes didn’t let me, and the heat ehn…”

“Don’t worry, there is light at the end of the tunnel.”

“What light? NEPA nor fit give person light to sleep you dey talk light at the end of tunnel.”

“Hahahaha! It’s an idiom nah.”

“Please use something else jare. Do we even have tunnels in this country? Heaven knows I will not dare enter.”


“So those area boys can collect my phone shebi? Even using an overhead bridge is a risk. Those guys are everywhere.”

“You are not a good ambassador of your country. Just imagine what you are saying.”

“Ambassa what? Don’t you know being Nigerian is a sin? In fact when I get to heaven, I will ask God what criteria he used to assign countries to people.”

“If you get to heaven, not when.”


“IF is a conditional statement. You might find yourself in hell…”

“Tufia! Find myself in hell after this hell. I cannot suffer the same punishment twice o

“Hahahahhaha! So Nigeria is hell bah? Kuku kee me.”


“I should kill you abi? If I poison you remember to tell your ghost not to worry me o.”

“You are not serious. By the way are you not going to work today?”

“No, I am working from home.”

“Working from home?”


“I never knew you could work from home.”

“Yes I can.”

“Since when?”


“Ah yam nor understanding you o.”

“What is there to understand? If the President can work from home then why can’t I?”

“Ha God! Kuku kee me. Are you Buhari?”

“Did I tell you I am Buhari? I am only following his lead.”

“Abi. Following his lead.”

“Lee me alone joor. I am working from home. No more torturing myself in traffic and seeing annoying co-workers.”

“Your boss nko?”

“What boss?”

“Your Oga at the office.”

“He is working from home too, everyone in the office are working from home?”

“How …”

“See, we are civil servants. If our oga at the top can do it, so can we?

“See ehn, nah only you waka come. You better go and bathe, force those clothes on yourself and get to the office. You can always write that you arrived by 7am. That’s what you people usually do?”

“Stop trying to tarnish the image of the honorable Nigerian Civil service. We are not kworrupt! We are professionals who arrive early and leave the office late without asking for extra pay.”

“Yes! You guys are that dedicated.”

“Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you my dear. We are even more dedicated than those working in the private sector.”

“I don’t blame you sha. To survive in Nigeria you need a huge sense of humour.”

“Okay. I am coming.”

“Where are you going to?”

“To the market na, to buy an extra sense of humour.”

“Oh! You can’t. The last shipment was delayed due to Forex probs. You will have to wait for dollars to drop so they can import new ones.

“Don’t worry, I will buy Aba made.”
“Buy Niaja to grow Niaja bah?”

“Yes nah, according to Senator common sense. Anything to get us out of recession. Let me gooan prepare for office jare. I nor fit shout.”


PS: This is a conversations of abnormal-normal people. If they sound like you, then I will advise you get out of my head. These conversations are fictitious.


Photo credit

Featured Image : Anonymous. Found it on Twitter but I can’t remember the handle.

Embedded Image : @BillionTwiTs